At last I made up my mind to confess my feelings towards her, multiple thoughts embarked though;eradicating all, my soul stood surprisingly stubborn. I was fed up by controlling my feelings, I wanted it to flow.
Those unwanted but wanted touches, those calls with disgusted topics yet not defying the point, those splintered eye contacts, those smile suppressing blush, those anxiety rushes and those testosterone outbreak. I wanted to grab her, own her and tell her you belong to me; there is no point in dismay.
Envy for many, glory for one. I was going to be an agitator; chances also were to end being a glorious rebellion instead, sidetracking that I went to college. She stood still with zero emotions and faking a smile with her classmates; picking their errors and admiring herself to be a lot better, a lot sexier. She waved me and pointed me to meet at class, I was no less, life too taught me to fake and hide emotions, fortunately or unfortunately we both were in black; as black suggests class; which was indebted in both of us and also dark melancholy, I ignored the latter.
I was flushed with tremendous flow of hormones, I could sense the imbalance, hear the beats and feel the warmth. She suddenly was all in a questioning mood, “Why are you glittery, have you had morning sex or what?”; annoyed by her question I did what I was best in front of her; denied and sat in front of her, she sensed something fishy and asked me the matter. I said, “Will you be mine?” angrily. “You are hot today, loved that facelift though” and we shared a smooch, yes classrooms can be cosy sometimes.
After that what happened was totally unexpected, latter thoughts which were in disguise reincarnated. She already had shared some vows and was committed with him. She liked me but being in a sexual or emotional relation with me was a big no, she giggled that if seduced she can manage for a stand, I laughed her out but inner me was broke and violated.
She took liberties on me but she seeded confirmation. She taught me the difference between kissing, having moments and being in a relationship.
I Memorized to persue her but failed to commit her, she is someone else’s now and I was confined to only love her shadow that time, which was black, at the end two black souls remained sad but the bodies were smiling.
P.S: To kiss or not to, to say no or to allow, it’s her choice. You can’t define her, just respect her.